Writing for five years: a recap

October of 2015 was when I self-published my autobiographical novel "Clara Thinks to Us". I realised, years later, that I wrote it out of fear of death. I wanted to write about the part of my life that I haven't spoken to my children about. The boys were in their early teens then and Kyra was just a preschooler. If something would wipe me from their lives, like it had done to a dear friend recently (that was the trigger), they could have a reference book to go to for answers.

Probably I was starting my mid-life crisis then. The shock of my dear friend's sudden and early death certainly brought up many questions like "is this it?", "there is so much I'd like my children to know about my past but they are not interested", "my children only know me as the nurturer, the house manager and the mum. Will I ever get the chance to show them another side of me?".

That is why I started writing about me. I didn't expect it to be so cathartic and even therapeutical. In the process, I discovered hidden feelings in me that I didn't know were there. I started this blog because I wanted to share the wonderful healing power of writing.

At some point, I started writing anonymously and I wrote content for other blogs. I wrote for money and I wrote for therapy. I also wrote for pleasure.

Writing and networking

Putting ideas out there has brought me close to people who think alike. It has also kept some other at bay. It definitely made it clear who my true friends are. 

My life as an author

My beginnings as an author were very timid. I didn't consider my work was good enough for me to call myself an author or a writer. Writing in a second language and with an academic background in Science did not help my self-confidence. Then I started reading books by people somehow connected to me. And I found typos in their books that were published professionally. 

My current place

I have assumed that I am a writer because I write and I am an author because I published books. It is not about book sales, reviews or official presentations. I envision a TEDTalk one day soon. In the meantime, I keep writing and I keep connecting with people who can relate to my work. I heal from my traumas and those of my ancestors. Writing is a soothing balm in my life. 

Public projects

I started working with Nora on her blog Under Heat and Pressure a few months ago. It is about ancient feminine wisdom and related topics. I have recently published my latest book in Spanish, Jose y Juan, on printed format. 

Anonymous purpose

When there are disabilities or challenges that affect the lives of our loved ones, writing anonymously is the only way to be able to express how we really feel about things. In writing anonymously I am protecting my loved ones and growing as a person through situations that must remain private. I have over a thousand followers under my pen name and the community will keep growing because people can truly identify themselves in this particular universe of challenges.

Your Turn

Have you tried writing? You can write a letter to a loved one next time they hurt you. You can burn it if you don't want to send it.  Make sure you include a paragraph where you describe what you expected from them or how you would like things to be between you. You can write in your head, by thinking while you walk. Imagining that you are journaling is an excellent way to organise your ideas and come in touch with your emotions. You can write a letter to yourself as a child, to a dead parent or to your boss. Try it, it works.

Writing helps you unveil those secrets you weren't even aware of

We inherit trauma and family secrets. Yes, epigenetics is the science behind it all. Plus spiritual or holistic alternatives agree. Family constellations, shamans, healers and psychologists have revealed healing through "facing our demons". We can't remember the origin of some of our fears and traumas from a few years ago. Imagine having to deal with all the ancestors crap.

Well, unfortunately, family secrets from our ancestors come back as nightmares, phobias, obsessions, vocation and tendencies we cannot explain. We are not just born in a certain way, we are born into a particular story: the story of our family. Family constellation expert, Shavasti or John L Payne as an author, explains how people have been keeping secrets out of shame, guilt and fear since faced with the morality of religions.

Going back only one or two generations, cancer was as taboo as talking about sex was. Many women today had no idea that they were at risk of breast cancer because their mothers never told them what Aunty X had died of. And then there are all the cases in which one of the ten siblings killed someone or went to jail or the grandparent who ruined the family or the darker coloured grandmother. So many topics that have been kept as secrets from the descendants.

Every secret carries energy. The person who decides not to talk about it carries this energy constantly with them. If the person dies without sharing the secret, the energy is attached to the descendants. This can be explained in terms of activated genes through epigenetics. In the same way as memories are inherited, fear and attitudes can be passed on to the descendants too.

Writing is an excellent tool to release the energy of the secret. Even if you write under a pseudonym, once you hit "publish", the secret is released. It is healing for you and your descendants. Remember creative writing is a way to discover thoughts within you that you didn't even know were there. Some of them could be inherited family secrets.

The releasing of inherited secrets is another great reason to start writing today. Don't you think?

I was born tamed. What about you?

I have long ago stopped blaming my upbringing for my fears. I am convinced now that we are all born with particular traits that lead to decisions we make very early in life. So early we can't even remember.

After an exploration into my childhood feelings, I realised that I was born afraid of rejection. It was my nature to comply so that I wouldn't feel responsible for any conflicts taking place around me. I became a people pleaser as a means to be loved by those I cared about.

A by-product of my own mid-life crisis, I have come out a stronger person after nourishing my scared little five-year-old self as the adult motherly version of me. This is part of my own story that I wanted to share with you since I have realised that all the people around me have their own experience with their inner children.

Some of my friends were born warriors. I have a friend who is a bit over sixty and she remembers her five-year-old self holding a knife in defense of her scared mother reacting to a challenging situation. How can you explain this? She was born like that. No one made her react as the saviour of the family in the absence of her father. Yet, she has mothered her mother ever since. And still today, she hasn't been able to change the role she voluntarily assumed at such a tender age.

Different inherent personality traits are very evident amongst siblings who are raised in the same household. They are all exposed to the same parents and still react in their own particular ways.

Why is this important?

Realising that you made some early life decisions that might be affecting your wellbeing and your relationships with others, gives you the power to change in ways that will benefit you. First of all, you stop blaming your parents, siblings, teachers, etc and you assume your responsibility to deal with the behaviour or attitude. Once you define what you would like to change you can then work on healing the wounds you've been carrying for years and start working on the better version of yourself. 

It is never too late to change for the better. We should never stop growing as long as we are still breathing. Personal growth is part of being alive. What traits can you work on that will improve your life today? Let me know in the comments below or on social media. 

PS: It's great to be back on the blogosphere. 

Rescue courtesy: It all starts with the small deeds

It's all in the little things. 

The word of the thousand meanings, thing, is used more as our vocabulary lessens. Just like our awareness of how our deeds affect the people around us and eventually will create the world we will be living in in the near future. There is no action too small to ignore.

It is a word like "thing" that can be useful in the context of giving the small details, like gestures of kindness, following the rules, being honest, reacting to strangers in need around us and the larger, more difficult attitude by which we live our lives, a common ground where to reconcile.

Today, like many other days in my past, I acknowledged the lack of awareness of drivers as they turn into a road, make a U-turn on the street or pull over to the curb to drop off their children at school. Many of them do not indicate.

Indicating is one of those "things" that seems small but implies so much more.

The tip of the iceberg

Every area has its peculiarities when it comes to driving and, failing to indicate, together with double and triple parking, have created an organised chaos where I live. Most drivers are extremely cautious in the vicinities of a school during pick up or drop off times. It is one of the few occasions in which I admire the patience of the locals, as they refrain from honking the horns they are so prone to using during any other hesitating act by the driver in front of them.

The lack of courtesy implied by not indicating is a warning sign. It is equal to other "irregularities" we become accustomed to as we live by the phrase "in Rome do as the Romans". The danger resides in becoming complacent. Once you start accepting that indicating is not necessary, you stop indicating and then, you have become one of them.

Becoming one of them

The masses are normally not aware of the consequences of their behaviour. The world is changing in many ways at an accelerating pace. We must stop and analyse our behaviour regarding the consequences of our actions towards our fellow human beings. It is as important as taking care of our own health and wellbeing. The small things can end up creating a place that is unsafe and unlivable. 

If I indicate, the drivers around me will know exactly where my vehicle is heading. Indicators are placed in cars for a reason. They are useful tools that can avoid accidents, in the worst case, and energy wasted wondering where this person is heading, in the best case.

Choose courtesy

Indicating is a sign of courtesy as much as it is useful for safety and avoiding chaos. When you indicate, you are being polite towards the other drivers and you are being a good citizen. 

Driving is just one of the actions we undertake regularly that affect our fellow locals. Other are queueing, creating noise, throwing rubbish, recycling, energy usage, paying bills and carrying out your tasks at work or elsewhere. We all have a choice in how we perform these actions in our everyday lives.

Complacency is a dangerous route to take. It can lead to unskilful authorities, foreign occupation and ultimately loss of a nation. 

No exaggeration. What are you choosing today?

14 February: just another day, make it special

Dates like February 14 have different meanings to each one of us. Life happens: some are dying today, fabulous Aquarians are being born, some are making love while others break up. Just another day on planet Earth that has been given a connotation related to LOVE and gifts. Flowers, chocolates and romantic getaways are in high offer and demand these days. Good for the businesses and for those who decide to reward themselves today.

Unfortunately, those who do not comply with the requirements imposed by the Love and Gifts label on "Valentine's Day" are reminded of what is missing in their lives. A quick check on the hashtag #ValentinesDay will show how many people dislike and even hate this date. If you are one of them, this is a reminder that you have a choice. Do not let despair get to you. If you are in the group of people "at risk" of feeling left out, purposely make the day special to yourself.

Celebrate the LOVE in your life, focusing on what you do have instead of what is lacking. Life loves you if you are healthy, strong, well fed, dressed, sheltered, in good company, engaged in a fulfilling job. You will not have it all at one particular point in time but you can make the most of what you have today. If you have a life partner, CELEBRATE. Do it your own way and enjoy the company.

If you are single, celebrate YOU. Self-love is the first step towards attracting what is best for your life. Whatever your status today, happy 14th of February.

Where is home?

The definition of home is a question that has been posed to me by others rather than by myself. My nomadic genes determine that there is not a physical place for home.

What home is, varies from person to person depending on their life experience as much as their inherited traits. It also depends on what life stage you are in. When you are single and childfree, home can be yourself. Wherever you go could be home. 

Most recently we have come across the rather playful definition of home as "the place where your phone is already connected to the WiFi". You then find yourself at home when you go to the local cafe or to a dear friend's house. 

As the years pass by and, if you have the joy of having a family, your home is where you create memories with your loved ones. In my case, my nest is still full. Nesting has been a need I've been fulfilling in the aftermath of a giant elephant stepping near my nest and shaking it to its core. 

I have learned that home is where my children are happy. They are young enough to benefit from motherly support. They have led me to my real home after I almost fell from the nest. They have taught me that I can cling on to our nest and that the nomadic lifestyle is not always the answer to my problems. 

Sometimes we have to fight for our home. When your nest is attractive to predators they will come and attack. It is up to you to be attentive and willing to fight back. Protect your chicks and keep the nest clean and filled with love for them to come back even after they have flown away. 

This is my conclusion on this matter. 

Where is home? Home is where you feel most loved. This love starts from within, for who can receive love from others if not able to open a clean heart to them? 

I thank the elephant who shook my nest, for now, I have a prettier, happier nest. 

Writing anonymously: how to start a new community of followers when pain strikes

There are situations in life when it is better to write only for those who will not judge you or tell you what to do. There are challenges you face that require empathy and unconditional support. Not all your readers will be able to offer this if you disclose too much from the other parties involved.

Writing anonymously is a great way to drain anger, disappointment and publish that letter you will never send. It is in a way similar to writing about those feelings of pain and grief that involve people in your family or close friends and then destroying what you wrote. In publishing anonymously you have the advantage of the input from others who are going through the same challenges. It is also a way to feel that the way you deal with your suffering can help in the recovery of your readers.

How do you start a new community of readers 

A fantastic place to start the community of readers that will benefit from your writing is Twitter. Create a handle that is relevant to the challenge you are facing. For example @SingleDad or @DivorcedAndAngry. Search for a relevant hashtag and start following and retweeting from those whose content resonates with you.

It is impressive how much support you can find. There are communities for every life challenge you might be facing. #Autism #Unemployed #DivorceSucks #SingleParent

Some people will have a personal profile with their real names but they will follow you back if they see you are a real person behind a pen name and a saying profile photo.

Create a new blog

Creating a new blog here on Google's Blogger is as easy as 1,2,3. Just find an available domain name, related to your Twitter handle and start writing and sharing your articles on your anonymous Twitter account. I wouldn't call it fake, it is a pen name to protect your identity, aka your sanity and the reputation of those you love. 

Important: Make sure the template you choose for your anonymous blog doesn't reveal your Google profile. 

Happy Writing Anonymously to Heal!

V.

Clara Thinks to Us: Q&As

Three years have passed since I published my first book: Clara Thinks to Us, a novel of hope from the memories of an old lady. It's based on my life experience with optimistic twists to painful experiences. It was a way to overcome my fear of death, amongst many other cathartic benefits.

I am grateful for all the feedback and readers who have been interested in finding out more about this old woman. She lived in four different countries and ended up thinking, almost at random, about her past. Our current present is in the novel's past because it is set in 2055. You can download the ebook from Amazon.

Without further ado, here are six questions and answers about Clara Thinks to Us.

Q2: What was Clara’s most powerful provocation when moving to Cyprus.

A2: The sedentary ways of the locals, their attachment to the land of their ancestors and the sentimental value they attached to trees.

Q3: How did she walk away from her dream after 3 years of working so hard on becoming an online marketing consultant? How did she find her real truth and let go without grudges or feeling like a failure?

A3: She used the knowledge and experience for her true calling of defending homemaking as a valid and valuable choice for modern women, spreading the truth about holistic medicine and finding her tribe. She admitted failure as an entrepreneur on digital marketing and then embraced public speaking and her private practice of The Wave. Admitting failure provided the leverage to turn the page and start fresh. She followed her gut feeling to find her truth by admitting what was not in line with her values.

Q4: How did she successfully integrate into Cyprus, I.e what was her turning point. ?

A4: once she surpassed the longest period of time she had ever Lived in one place and she was truthful to her desire of belonging, a feeling she never had the chance to develop due to the nomadic lifestyle of her parents. Integration came as a result of establishing connections with people on her same “wavelength”, members of her tribe. She knew that wherever she’d go, true friends were always scarce but they were so valuable. Also, her children who didn’t inherit her ability to adapt to changing environments as quickly as she did, made her realize the importance of settling down in one place and making it home. 

Q5: If Clara could do it all again. Would she, in all honesty, change anything?

A5: No. Clara is the author’s best case scenario.

Q6: If Clara could name three things in order of what made her happiest in her life what were they?

A6: 1 Diego, Rose and George. 
2 Alexis
3 Music 

Thank you for such great questions. You’ve all made my day

You REALLY attract what your fear: Write to overcome it

Three years after writing my autobiographical novel, the reason WHY I wrote the book has become clearer: I was afraid of dying so I killed myself in the novel, at 88.

Once I completed my first book, Clara Thinks to Us, I created this blog as a way to explain my incursion into authorship. Heal by Writing was a title right on target. I was indeed healing from an autoimmune condition, expressed as food intolerances. I was intolerant to so many kinds of food that I thought "If I don't heal, I will surely starve to death".

I am now free from food intolerances. I know I have ONE intolerance that will be impossible to overcome because it is determined by my genes, so I avoid it and I can manage all the other limitations to have a balanced and healthy diet. I am now sure I will not die in the short term from starvation due to intolerances.

You truly attract what you fear

I have recently experienced what I feared most: infidelity first hand. I am a child of an unfaithful spouse and I went through all the counselling that came with overcoming such an ordeal. I thought I had it all worked out. I had a plan B for when it happened. I had warned my spouse since before we committed that I wouldn't be able to overcome such betrayal. And we took measures to prevent it. But if you FEAR it you ATTRACT it. Law of Attraction, they call it. 

It hit me today when I thought of how I'm not afraid of having a car accident. I'm always placing myself in the percentage of the population who always manages to avoid clashes. And I haven't had an accident since someone bumped into me when I stopped suddenly at a red light in my birth country, Venezuela. I was 18. It's been over 30 years since then and I haven't had another car accident. 

I also placed myself in the minority who succeed in a developing, corrupted country like Venezuela. I placed myself in the minority who manages to marry a foreigner and never return to chaos. But I didn't place myself in the subset of the population where there are no infidelities. I just feared it would happen to me. So, once I discovered writing as a means to HEAL, I wrote different scenarios about my fear. 

Creating scenarios

• My best case scenario was my Novel of Hope in which infidelity did not happen. Alexis was faithful to Clara for over 27 years. 
• I created happy endings for friends whose marriages were breaking previous to my own infidelity experience. I wrote a series of books in Spanish, Mejor Sola. 
• I imagined what I would do in case the infidelity symptoms I was experiencing at home corresponded to the pathology. I wrote a book in my head.

Facing reality: facing your FEAR 

Once I had unequivocal proof that I was facing infidelity as a spouse, after I had experienced it as a child, I proceeded to implement Plan B. Everything happened very fast because I had already considered all the possible options in my head. 

Even though my fear had become a reality, I was prepared to face it. I knew I could find a hopeful outcome in ways I had imagined in my books. But I had not imagined the turn of events that could occur in the face of reality. 

Writing truly helped me face my fear and process it in an efficient way. I might even write a book about it one day. Do you think it could help you or others? Let me know in the comments.

Left home long ago? Seek connectedness in writing

Today’s concept of home can be blurry for some of us. In some cases, home is a place far away from your birth country. In today’s world, you can be displaced voluntarily or against your will from what you considered home until the time you decided to leave or were forced to do so.

It takes time to assume that you have been adopted into a new land. It involves learning from your new countrymen some of their customs and traditions. You do it out of respect and to be able to join in their celebrations. Meanwhile, your past rituals on anything from cooking to spending time with the extended family are left behind.

The novelty of your adoptive homeland at the beginning might fulfil your social and personal needs. As time passes by, though, it is very satisfactory to reconnect with your roots. One way in which you can achieve this is by remembering stories that reflect the happiness of your past. Make a list of what your birth country or previous homeland offered you. Writing a gratitude letter to the friends and relatives you left behind has a very powerful effect on your wellbeing.

Ripples from creative writing

I was very happy to learn that my first cousins - with whom I haven’t met in 15 years because I have refrained myself from visiting my birth country due to insecurity - were talking about my books during a family gathering. This was one of the many family gatherings I haven’t been able to attend due to being away from my previous home.

One of my first cousins I had not heard from in YEARS sent me a direct message commenting on how hooked she was with a book that I wrote three years ago. She said another one of my cousins had given her the book. She was pleasantly surprised and wanted to read more of my books. 

Three times a winner

It is the third time that a close member of my extended family connects with me again after years of being disconnected, after reading my first book. Somehow reading my autobiographical novel brought them close to me again or for the first time. Maybe the fact that I opened myself up in a book allowed them to discover the real me, and any misunderstanding was forgiven.

Your takeaway

If you are living away from home, I invite you to write about the happy moments you lived there. Share them with the people who are part of your story. And let their reading do the rest.

Editing is also cathartic: Let it out, then delete

Writing is cathartic without a doubt. Creative writing is a valuable tool for healing and self-help. Sometimes it is wise not to publish what you have written during those sessions in which you let it all out. Once the 15-20 minutes have passed you stop writing, then you read what you've written and lastly, you must decide what to do with it. You can throw it away, burn it, or change it.

Editing is necessary before publishing a hurtful piece or sending an angry email. Especially when it can cost you your job or the affection of someone you love. In spite of removing the aggressive part, that bit that felt so good releasing from within you as you wrote, once it's on the paper it remains there only if you decide on that option.

What else can you do? You can:

• change it into a more polite form
• delete it and leave only the expectation you wish to communicate
• disguise it by swapping genders of characters or changing the context

Either way, you will have taken it out of your mind and body. Writing your mind to an annoying colleague is cathartic and there is no need to let them know how you really feel about them. Have you tried this? 

Surrendering has worked its magic once again

It is not the first time that I surrender my need to hustle. When it feels like I'm trying too hard, I pause, breathe and wait. And every time I've done it the Universe responds.

It's been a few days that I feel like I'm wasting my time in keeping my twitter feed full, programming book promotions, thinking of meaningful hashtags for my Instagram photos and commenting on other people's posts. My honest purpose is to connect with like-minded people and to grow my audience so that I will have an incentive to continue writing. After all, what's the point of publishing if no one will read your work?

It's Valentine's Day 2018 and I got a message request from a stranger. It's a note in Spanish, my mother tongue. Another Latina American woman living in Cyprus. She read my blogs and one of my books that resonated with her. She liked it! Suddenly my empty social feeds start to feel hopeful. I might continue to keep them alive and kicking, sharing articles that resonate with me in the hope that I will connect with like-minded people.

Remaining still allows you to listen and receive. Today I have received a new connection request from a person who felt identified with my writings. It also happened a while ago (September 2017) when I had decided not to have a writing project on the table. I was having a break and one of my ex-students (from my time as a Science teacher in Nicosia) called in with her mother, who had been featured as one of the top 100 successful women on this island. They both wanted to talk to me about my autobiographical novel. At that moment I felt that my novel had been worth writing.

What defines success?

If writing allows me to connect with members of my tribe, I have succeeded. I am the owner of my own definition of success. I just have to surrender the need to do more in order to fulfil the preconception that success is measured by the number of books you've sold or the number of interviews that have been published about them or you.

What makes it so hard to let things simply happen

A lifetime in school with a grading scheme that rewarded compliance, a working environment that pays salaries to follow a job description, a very underrated role of being the available person in the family, are some of the reasons why people today cannot enjoy the moment. We tend to always plan for what's next. We forget that we will die one day and that it could happen right now or tomorrow or next week, next month or next year. Even worse, a dear family member could die at any moment. Have we taken the time to simply BE with them?

Things can be taken away from us

Cyprus is the perfect example of how lives can change from one day to the next. Half the population of this beautiful island were forced to flee their homes, never suspecting they wouldn't be able to return to inhabit their villages ever again. Even if they solve the problem, those villages don't exist anymore. We all live unique experiences that can be more or less stable. 

The potential dangers have expanded from this ever troubled Middle East to the whole world. Terrorism's tentacles don't make it safe for anyone to count on personal security like they used to before September 11, 2001. Even a virgin territory like my birth country, where so many war refugees sought refuge during the past 100 years, is plagued with terrorist cells waiting in latency or simply growing quietly.

My intention is not to create more anxiety but to put things into perspective. Why hustle to achieve some predetermined equivalent to a golden trophy while neglecting our family, friends and not enjoying the beauty of our surroundings? 

Beware of the ego

Is my ego pushing me to have a social media presence? Is it my ego that drives me to write stories or blog articles?
I hope to be winning the battle over my ego and to use writing as a means to an end that will not resemble narcissism but rather connectedness. I DO want to connect with like-minded people. I believe it keeps me alive and happy. It is more a matter of living in happiness mode and improving my state of wellbeing. I don't want to live feeling miserable instead of grateful for what has been given to me. It is the only way to be able to make those around me happy.

Self-love is not selfish

In order to be able to give love to those around us, we need to have nurtured our feminine side. One way to nurture it is to spend time with our tribe. I hope you are doing so. I'm certainly enjoying welcoming new members to mine through the effect of having shared my drafts with the world.

The beauty of creating a story and family gatherings

Whether you like it or not, the end of year forces you to slow down and get in touch with your inner feelings. I managed to get some extra attention from my teen children and was able to express my ideas swiftly thanks to what has come out of my autobiographical novel.
No, they haven't read my book. I know they will when the time is right. Still, I was able to express my frustration on certain issues in an objective way and they listened.
Writing about your worries or frustrations helps eliminate the emotional charge that may shield your listeners from getting the real meaning of what you want to communicate.

Were you disappointed during a family gathering this end of year?

No worries. Write about it and heal. Or think about it as if you're telling the story to a third person. Here are two possible scenarios: 

1. You were aggravated by someone's behaviour and wish you would have said a few things but you refrained yourself out of politeness. In this case, write away or think away. Let it all out. No one has to read what you were thinking. But letting it out and putting it on paper or visualising yourself actually saying what you felt like saying, allows you to change your perspective and, therefore, your perception. 
2. You were disappointed in yourself for missing out on a golden opportunity to communicate something important to people who are important to you. If this was the case, show compassion towards yourself. Write the story the way you would have wanted it to unfold. Feel pride in yourself for having the courage and the sharpness to behave in an ideal manner. 

This exercise will prepare you for next time or it will give you the courage to program a meeting or send a message or call the person involved in a near future. 

Let me know if this resonates with you. I wish you all the best for 2018. Happy writing,

V.

Creating a story in your mind heals too

Do you wish you had the time to write but somehow never get round to it? You don't have to write down a story in order to create it.

The healing power of writing lays in the way it allows us to create stories based on our own awkwardnesses. Fiction allows you to create ANY story based on your own experience and make it take any turn you are too afraid to admit to yourself you wished it followed.

Creative writing is based on having a time and a space to put our ideas down on paper. When used as a therapeutical tool, you are allowed to destroy what you have written down, especially if you've let your anger loose. In the absence of time, you can still let your feelings out as you create the story in your mind, purposely.

I wouldn't suggest you harm a loved one in your story but I would definitely encourage you to stop them from doing or saying what hurts you. If it's too painful to write a short story about you and that person, get out of the story and write about characters A and B, inspired by this particular situation that feels too awkward to even think about. You will be surprised as to how much you can discover about your own feelings and about how you would feel if things were different.

In my own experience, I've felt the healing effect of realising that there was a lot of drama in my own mind. In some cases, the simple exposition of a situation can make you understand that what bothers you is no longer there or that you are a more mature person than when you felt aggravated the first time and you can let go of a resentment that only harms you.

Why don't you give it a try? Next time you take time to walk or you get stuck in traffic, don't allow your mind to wander. Take control of your own thoughts and deal with that issue that bothers you in a proactive way. Have that conversation you've been avoiding, create those circumstances that have been missing and let me know if you have felt the powerful healing effect of creating your own story.

Using poetry to overcome fear of leaving an orphan child

What would mum have done?

Today I wonder what mum would have done

If she was beside me

But she’s long, long gone.

I hear this voice inside my head

That keeps reminding me:

“Dear, she lives in you.

In each bit of your body, mind, soul and more,

Your mum is beside you, inside you and roars.

She roars like a lioness

When you’re in despair.

Fear nothing, my darling,

You know what is best

For you’re living in her own, personal nest.

The walls and the objects are full of her soul

As mums leave behind them

Like a district patrol,

a trail, a path, a road to take home.  

What else do you want since you still have it all?

Your siblings are full of her ways, just like you.

they might know things you thought you also knew

But it’s not, as the mothers like the whole lot

To love one another as if she was right there.

You have many bits of your mother in you.

Just sit on that chair where she used to sit too

And you’ll see how the vision of what she’d have done

Will come in a flash to your quieted mind”

I miss mum

I miss my mum,

I want a hug

I’m sad and lonely

And would be lovely

To feel her arms

hold tight around me.

Then comes the inner voice, once more:

“You have your siblings who share your loss,

They also have the need for hugs,

Go find them, check on them,

See what they’re doing.

Sometimes we must stop by her doing,

She gave you brothers, she gave you sisters,

So why don’t you look into that, dear mister?”

I wish mum was here

I wish, I wish,

Just like a fish

In its limited bowl,

The same control

Of ups and downs

Or rights and lefts,

That I could see, hear,

Smell and touch my

Long gone mother

I can’t approach.

I have her looks,

I hear them say,

So in the mirror

I tend to portray

Whatever memory

Left I have.

But as time passes by

They fade away

And in the mirror

Where she’s to be

I just see me,

Her daughter Fay.

Or it could be her son Larry

Boy or girl,

mothers love them all,

There’s no distinction

For it’s an addiction

A mother and baby

Will find their reward

That they’ll keep forever

Even being apart.

So, go there my baby,

Move on, my child,

You’ll feel her own feelings,

You’ll think her own thoughts,

Just find the trigger

In the places she sought,

The surroundings will tell you,

They will switch on her thoughts

That will come to you quickly

As if they were your own

For in you, my dear baby,

Lives your mother forever,

This is not wishful thinking,

This is epigenetics.

You inherit her looks

and her most inner feelings,

That will flourish on top

When you find that ambiance

That makes her genes happy.

They will speak to you clear

They will tell you

“My dear, I have never really left,

I live in you today, yesterday

And every single day.

Remember that way to the school

We so many times drove by?

Go there and you’ll feel

From tip of head to heel

That I’m still by your side

I have never been gone

I'm right next to your room,

In the dorm or the broom

That so many chats heard

It’s not even the brush

But the act that brings it all back.

I’m in you, in your soul.

Just breathe deep and relax

And your wish will come true”.