The beauty of creating a story and family gatherings

Whether you like it or not, the end of year forces you to slow down and get in touch with your inner feelings. I managed to get some extra attention from my teen children and was able to express my ideas swiftly thanks to what has come out of my autobiographical novel.
No, they haven't read my book. I know they will when the time is right. Still, I was able to express my frustration on certain issues in an objective way and they listened.
Writing about your worries or frustrations helps eliminate the emotional charge that may shield your listeners from getting the real meaning of what you want to communicate.

Were you disappointed during a family gathering this end of year?

No worries. Write about it and heal. Or think about it as if you're telling the story to a third person. Here are two possible scenarios: 

1. You were aggravated by someone's behaviour and wish you would have said a few things but you refrained yourself out of politeness. In this case, write away or think away. Let it all out. No one has to read what you were thinking. But letting it out and putting it on paper or visualising yourself actually saying what you felt like saying, allows you to change your perspective and, therefore, your perception. 
2. You were disappointed in yourself for missing out on a golden opportunity to communicate something important to people who are important to you. If this was the case, show compassion towards yourself. Write the story the way you would have wanted it to unfold. Feel pride in yourself for having the courage and the sharpness to behave in an ideal manner. 

This exercise will prepare you for next time or it will give you the courage to program a meeting or send a message or call the person involved in a near future. 

Let me know if this resonates with you. I wish you all the best for 2018. Happy writing,

V.

Creating a story in your mind heals too

Do you wish you had the time to write but somehow never get round to it? You don't have to write down a story in order to create it.

The healing power of writing lays in the way it allows us to create stories based on our own awkwardnesses. Fiction allows you to create ANY story based on your own experience and make it take any turn you are too afraid to admit to yourself you wished it followed.

Creative writing is based on having a time and a space to put our ideas down on paper. When used as a therapeutical tool, you are allowed to destroy what you have written down, especially if you've let your anger loose. In the absence of time, you can still let your feelings out as you create the story in your mind, purposely.

I wouldn't suggest you harm a loved one in your story but I would definitely encourage you to stop them from doing or saying what hurts you. If it's too painful to write a short story about you and that person, get out of the story and write about characters A and B, inspired by this particular situation that feels too awkward to even think about. You will be surprised as to how much you can discover about your own feelings and about how you would feel if things were different.

In my own experience, I've felt the healing effect of realising that there was a lot of drama in my own mind. In some cases, the simple exposition of a situation can make you understand that what bothers you is no longer there or that you are a more mature person than when you felt aggravated the first time and you can let go of a resentment that only harms you.

Why don't you give it a try? Next time you take time to walk or you get stuck in traffic, don't allow your mind to wander. Take control of your own thoughts and deal with that issue that bothers you in a proactive way. Have that conversation you've been avoiding, create those circumstances that have been missing and let me know if you have felt the powerful healing effect of creating your own story.

Using poetry to overcome fear of leaving an orphan child

What would mum have done?

Today I wonder what mum would have done

If she was beside me

But she’s long, long gone.

I hear this voice inside my head

That keeps reminding me:

“Dear, she lives in you.

In each bit of your body, mind, soul and more,

Your mum is beside you, inside you and roars.

She roars like a lioness

When you’re in despair.

Fear nothing, my darling,

You know what is best

For you’re living in her own, personal nest.

The walls and the objects are full of her soul

As mums leave behind them

Like a district patrol,

a trail, a path, a road to take home.  

What else do you want since you still have it all?

Your siblings are full of her ways, just like you.

they might know things you thought you also knew

But it’s not, as the mothers like the whole lot

To love one another as if she was right there.

You have many bits of your mother in you.

Just sit on that chair where she used to sit too

And you’ll see how the vision of what she’d have done

Will come in a flash to your quieted mind”

I miss mum

I miss my mum,

I want a hug

I’m sad and lonely

And would be lovely

To feel her arms

hold tight around me.

Then comes the inner voice, once more:

“You have your siblings who share your loss,

They also have the need for hugs,

Go find them, check on them,

See what they’re doing.

Sometimes we must stop by her doing,

She gave you brothers, she gave you sisters,

So why don’t you look into that, dear mister?”

I wish mum was here

I wish, I wish,

Just like a fish

In its limited bowl,

The same control

Of ups and downs

Or rights and lefts,

That I could see, hear,

Smell and touch my

Long gone mother

I can’t approach.

I have her looks,

I hear them say,

So in the mirror

I tend to portray

Whatever memory

Left I have.

But as time passes by

They fade away

And in the mirror

Where she’s to be

I just see me,

Her daughter Fay.

Or it could be her son Larry

Boy or girl,

mothers love them all,

There’s no distinction

For it’s an addiction

A mother and baby

Will find their reward

That they’ll keep forever

Even being apart.

So, go there my baby,

Move on, my child,

You’ll feel her own feelings,

You’ll think her own thoughts,

Just find the trigger

In the places she sought,

The surroundings will tell you,

They will switch on her thoughts

That will come to you quickly

As if they were your own

For in you, my dear baby,

Lives your mother forever,

This is not wishful thinking,

This is epigenetics.

You inherit her looks

and her most inner feelings,

That will flourish on top

When you find that ambiance

That makes her genes happy.

They will speak to you clear

They will tell you

“My dear, I have never really left,

I live in you today, yesterday

And every single day.

Remember that way to the school

We so many times drove by?

Go there and you’ll feel

From tip of head to heel

That I’m still by your side

I have never been gone

I'm right next to your room,

In the dorm or the broom

That so many chats heard

It’s not even the brush

But the act that brings it all back.

I’m in you, in your soul.

Just breathe deep and relax

And your wish will come true”.

Lift yourself up through social media

They say you have to surround yourself with people who lift you up so you can become better at what you do.

In the real world, this might be impossible. If you live surrounded by people whose mood is gloomier than yours, you need to find a way to connect with people who will lift yourself up.

I recently read an article about staying motivated despite friends and family, in which the author suggests making new friends, introducing your new friends to your old ones and moving way for a while. What if none of these are possible?

I have a different suggestion for you: Connect virtually to those you admire and whose success you would like to experience.

There are two platforms that give you access to most people regardless of their level of influence. You don't need to send them a friend request or invite them to connect. Simply follow them on Twitter or on Instagram.

How to decide between Twitter or Instagram

These two social platforms have been around for years now and those who got on early have hundreds of thousands of followers. Their profiles are usually public - since they use the networks to reach a wide audience - and some times they follow back. 

You might or not have access to sending them direct messages but you can always write a reply on Twitter or a comment on Instagram and communicate with them. You'll find that they might share your reply on Twitter as a retweet or they could reply to your comment on Instagram.

Which platform you will use depends on where your influencers are more active or just present. If some of the people you want to mimic, follow or interact with are on both platforms, make sure you optimise your profiles on both of them.

Private messages

You can send them private messages through their Instagram stories if they allow it or direct messages (DM) on Twitter if they followed you back.

What's more important is that you can virtually surround yourself with the sort of people who might be impossible to find in your real world and who will keep you motivated and in the kind of state of mind that you wish for. 

No need for perfection to start

Don't wait until you find your perfect tagline or you have the best photo to setup a social profile in the platform where your favourite influencers are. Social media networking takes time and you can improve your social profile as you build up your connections and learn how to operate the platform(s) where you will portray yourself as this new YOU you want to become. 

You are welcome to visit my social profiles @VeroWellbeing on Twitter or Instagram. Feel free to contact me by commenting or through one of my social profiles in case you have questions about setting up your profiles or creating a second account (yes, you could do that too if you have private accounts that you wish to keep that way). 

So there's no excuse to remain stuck when you can create connections that will pull you forward. Let yourself thrive, you deserve it. 

Love,

Verónica

Wish list for a self published author

I wish

1. my local council would appreciate my efforts to promote the village where I live to foreigners
2. other foreigners would appreciate my sharing the experience of a foreigner adapting to this land
3. my birth country people would appreciate me highlighting the benefits from my motherland
4. my friends were more appreciative of my gift to them when they received a copy of the book

But I realise

1. I'm being selfish
2. I'm being self-centered
3. I'm too far to be useful there
4. my friends didn't ask for a copy of my book or they were just being polite

Still a writer

1. Needs appreciation to carry on
2. Has bills to pay
3. Would like an honest opinion from a reader
4. wants to share his creation with his friends and party together

So I conclude

1. I haven't succeeded as a writer
2. My writing is not making the world a better place
3. I'm selfish
4. I will just look for a paid occupation 

Thank you for reading. 

Writing for divorcees

People going through a divorce were used as subjects in a research to analise the effects of writing on general health indicators such as blood pressure and heart rate.

A recent study by Bourassa and Allen (2017) looked at three groups of divorcees who were asked to write for 20 minutes on three occasions over a period of almost 8 months.

Alexis Blue of medicalexpress.com explains that there was a creative writing group, asked to write about their pain, a second group who were asked to write about their feelings within the framework of a narrative with a definite beginning, middle and end—essentially telling the story of the end of their marriage, and a control group, asked to write about their day-to-day activities without considering their feelings.

The results showed that there was no difference between the control group and the divorcees in the creative writing group, whereas the narrative writing group showed the best levels of blood pressure and the most variable heart rate, which are both a sign of good health.

The leading researcher Bourassa explains what makes narrative expressive writing good for the heart.

"To be able to create a story in a structured way—not just re-experience your emotions but make meaning out of them—allows you to process those feelings in a more physiologically adaptive way. The explicit instructions to create a narrative may provide a scaffolding for people who are going through this tough time," Bourassa said. "This structure can help people gain an understanding of their experience that allows them to move forward, rather than simply spinning and re-experiencing the same negative emotions over and over."

Read more at https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-05-narrative-journaling-heart-health-post-divorce.html#jCp

In a previous study, five years earlier, asking divorcees to write about their feelings just hindered healing for them. They also looked at three groups, in the same research centre, the University of Arizona, and found that the health indicators from the groups that carried out either form of creative writing were worse off than those who wrote about mundane tasks. They explained it in terms of the repetitive effect of going over the reasons for the divorce and the painful feelings with creative writing, in people who were already keen to understand what was happening to them. For that group of almost 100 subjects, it turned out that writing about their daily activities took their mind off rumination over the causes of their marital separation. Read more at https://medicalxpress.com/news/2012-11-post-divorce-journaling-hinder.html

It is interesting how the results changed over a period of five years. This could be reflecting a more empathetic and open-minded world in which people do not need to ruminate on the causes of their divorce.

Would love to read your comments. Do you have experience with creative writing?